Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
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