speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The power of my boobs compel you
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
