Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
this boner is exhausting
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
