It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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