Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
