i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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