i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
