I wish I could teleport
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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