I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize