I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My nipple is on Facebook.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
