The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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