and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
