i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
