Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
