I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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