It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
there's paper in my vomit.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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