yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
