Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
