If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize