hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
