Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The feeling are messing with the penis
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize