I didn't shave. On purpose
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
