I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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