He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
