We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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