also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
