I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
