I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
