Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
