Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
