never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
