dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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