I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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