sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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