I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
