Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
