dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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