Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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