the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
