i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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