I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
