I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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