i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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