I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize