I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
