I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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