By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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