Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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