The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
