Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
