Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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