Kiss
Puke
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
