Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The feeling are messing with the penis
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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