It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Boobs speak an international language.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
