i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
