my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You need a sexual gate keeper
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
