I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You brought string cheese to the strip club
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
