there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
