I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
did i walk over a car last night?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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