It's Friday. Sex?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
