how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
