I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
