dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
