Soap is not a condiment
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
