I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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