Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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