Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
