i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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