nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
